Charles Featherer
AHEM
Is this thing on?
Testing, 1, ½, 2, 2 ½, 8, …
Systems check nominal -ish. We should get this show on the road as time is wasting. And you know what they say, waist not, want garlic knots.
___
HELLO FRIENDS!
I’m Charles ‘Dr. Judge’ Featherer, the Unabashed and Unfazed Un-set Un-judge. I’m not really a doctor, but I am qualified to check your creatures’ vitals in a silver bordered (or acorn, or you know…anything abnormal Magic-wise) match and determine if they’re really dead or just mostly dead.
{mumbling from stage right}
Yes, yes, I’ll get on with it, just give me a moment IF YOU PLEASE.
Where were we? Declare bonafides, talk about dead critters, bad mouth that hack Dr. Julius Jumblemorph, ahh…here we are.
I keep hearing the same question every time I show up to an event. “Doc, does this thing look infected?” And while I want to answer the question but can’t due to a strict moral code and diet of bananas, what I do want to address is the SECOND most common question I get, which is, “Dr. Judge, how do I get one of those swanky lab coats?” I know everyone out there wants a cool lab coat. Well, I’ve worked with the minds behind the various products on sale at Judge Foundry and we’ve figured out a way to get one into your hands. That’s right, you too can obtain a beautiful, handcrafted, factory original lab coat!
But not just any Magic The Gathering Judge can order one. No, we need some Willing Test Subjects to take a test. Or perhaps just a ½ a test [editor – oh, that’s good, we’ll have to do something with that]. Introducing, (insert a video of excited beebles here if budget allows) the next product of Foundry’s Overly Off-the-wall Learning System: the Level ½ Un-certification Exam! Until April 7th, you can take a test through JudgeApps that will see if you have what it takes! We’re still trying to identify what ‘it’ is, but we’re sure some of you have it.
Don’t wait to find a Goblin Tutor to help you earn your Just Desserts! Get Amped Up! If you really, really need to, you can Phone a Friend if Mistakes Were Made, but let’s face it, I don’t expect many of you to get Super-Duper Lost. Before you know it, you’ll be the best Rules Lawyer in the room and I’ll ask you to Gimme Five when we next meet!
Whew. I could probably keep going, but let’s face it. This is just an April Fool’s. Really. Nothing to see here. Move along. File your dissatisfaction with the Complaints Clerk.
What, you’re still here? It’s over, go home.
Ok, well, since you’re still reading this, there is no lab coat. BUT YOU CAN TAKE AN ACTUAL TEST! That’s right, you too can be a Big Winner and say you’re the rootinest tootinest Un-Judge this side of the Freeway. Make sure you’re a member of Judge Foundry and logged into JudgeApps, then click on this link to take the test! And if you need them, here are some of my favorite Untesting Tips!
Five Dr. Judge Untest Taking Tips for the Timid
- Strategy, Schmategy – The questions are often Common sense. Occasionally they venture into Uncommon or Rare territory.
- Roll Dice – Don’t know an answer? Roll some dice! Un-sets LOVE dice rolls. I’m sure that will work out for you.
- Double Take – Don’t know an answer? Read the question again. While you’re at it, read the cards carefully. Sometimes the answer is there.
- Time Out – Take a short break. Pet some grass or whatever it is you kids do these days.
- A Good Day to Pie – Get a snack. Food always helps me think better. But make sure it’s healthy – or at least tasty enough to forgive the indulgence.
Postscript:
Friends, a few months ago I was asked if I would be interested in helping to share some of the fun of Un-sets with my fellow judges. Apparently, someone heard that I enjoy silver bordered, acorn nonsense. I’m not sure how that could have happened, but I guess the Half-Kitten, Half-Turkey is out of the bag.
If you have the opportunity to run Un-events in the future and want one piece of advice, the best thing I can say is to make it fun. If you don’t know how card X interacts with card Y because you don’t read Mark Rosewater’s Tumbler, Blogatog, that’s not the end of the world. Not everyone has time for that. Check the Oracle notes for rulings and try to figure it out on your own, but please lean towards making the event fun for the players.
If I may, I just want to close with a quick thank you to everyone who has made Un-sets and this project special for me, including: Paul “Bearz” Baranay, Joe Klopchic, John Brian McCarthy, Bryan Prillaman, and Marcos Sanchez. And a very special thank you to Mark Rosewater. You’ve created this amazing world and I couldn’t be happier.
Look for Dr. Judge at the next Uncontrolled Undraft. I’ll be the guy in the lab coat.
[Actual Editor’s Note: The Level ½ Un-Certified Exam is available from now through April 7th for Judge Foundry members. There are enough questions for two attempts, so if you had fun, feel free to take the exam again! Judges who pass their exam may want to look on their JudgeApps profiles for a special treat.]
